My blog just came out of a coma!

It feels like it has been ages since I blogged. To tell you the truth I just couldnt bring myself to write something. No inspiration.

I have written some stuff but just have no inspiration to post them.

Is this writters block?? :P

Oh before I forget. The results for acceptance into University for 2011 for STPM leavers will be out on the 15th of July. All the best people.

I dont really have a particular topic to write. I am just bored.

Ok la. To tell the truth right I have thought to shutdown this blog.

Here is the thing.

I have always had liked writing. I dont write to impress people, nor sm I some kind off prodigy or any of that shit. I write to calm myself down. I am very hot tempered person. I used to get so angry that I use to cut myself just to calm myself. (When I was a teenager, I dont this now).

I had a very strict mother. I love her, yes I do, but her expectations were impossible. She used to hit me for not getting 100% in a test when I have got 98%. I dont blame her. She was not educated, and to be the uneducated one in between family members who are all educated is difficult. She wanted me to do well, and I thank her for if its not for her I will not be who I am now. God, I miss her :(. Ok back on track, when I was at that age I did not have the maturity to understand all this and I use to get so angry and cut myself to calm myself because I din have the privellage of someone to talk to (being the only child) or go out to calm myself.

This of course was a self destructive behavior. Dont do this guys. Someone told me to channel my anger into something more creative (thanks whoever you are!). So I did. I wrote. I penned down my anger, my frustrations, then took a lighter and burned it. This calmed me down and helped me to cope with my stress.

If you are an avid follower of my blog you would have noticed that I mostly write my frustartions and feelings. Also if you are very observant I have deleted many posts that I wrote out of frutrations simply because I want to forget it.

Notice anything similar?? Yes, I write to forget my frustrations...NOT to gain symphaty, NOT to be famous, NOT to attract attention.

The reason I want to make it public is because I want it to be useful to atleast one soul, one soul in this world. Just one soul somewhere, I will be happy. I want one person who decided to commit suicide becuase her boyfriend left her to read my blog and know that someone else going through it without having to end your life. I want a person who is a misfit in University to feel that he/she can survive in University if they try. I want one person to know that friends can hurt you so keep your guard up. One person benifiting from my frustrations is enough for me.

This has nothing to do being noble or whatever shit ok! Seriously. I am not mother Theressa. I am also selfish. I really appreciate when someone comes and tell me, "Hey Vanie, I understand what you are going through" or someone leaving a positive comment. This makes me happy. Makes me know I am not at all as alone as I think I am.

So why did I want to shutdown my blog? Well lately, people have been using my blog as a weapon against me. My insecurities as their loop hole to critisize me. I hate this. I dont understand. If you dont like it go away, why read then critisize? Construvtive critisism is acceptable but....

Elatheyum padichithu...."I dont understand why she want to post this. Does she think people want to know how fucked up her life is? So lame. Like as if she is the only one going through shit!"

Where in my blog did I say that??

What the FISH?? You dont like dont read la.

Anyway fuck all of you fucktards!! I am keeping my blog. I am gonna continue writing about my lifeless life also about other stuff when I have the mood. Do what you can!! Try and stop me 0_o!!

Look forward to frequent write ups!

-Daisy-